


Loving Someone/Somebody Else

by AkariHope



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: F/F, but i wanted to!, i know everyone's already done a Crimson Waste AU, it's been haunting me for a bit so i had to get it out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-14
Updated: 2019-10-14
Packaged: 2020-12-16 12:21:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21036170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AkariHope/pseuds/AkariHope
Summary: Leaving behind a lifetime of hurt isn't easy. There's no such thing as a completely fresh start. But Catra has Scorpia to help, and she's going to give it an honest try.





	Loving Someone/Somebody Else

**Author's Note:**

> I KNOW everyone hopped on this idea right after S3. But I wrote a drabble a little while back and this stemmed from it.
> 
> This isn't REALLY a songfic, but I was definitely thinking about the songs "Somebody Else" and "Loving Someone" by The 1975 while I wrote this. On the album, they flow right into each other: this melancholy song about not being able to move on from someone you once loved, right into a bold declaration that you SHOULD be loving someone. Something about that transition really spoke to me, and this came about as a result.

The distant echo of cawing roused Catra from her slumber, her senses slowly coming to, feeling the warmth of the arid morning and the body beside her. Without thinking, she instinctively nestled herself into her bedside companion, ready to be greeted by strong arms and the soft scent of soap that somehow always smelled better on _her _that she was so used to.

What she wasn’t expecting was a set of pincers pulling her into a much, much larger torso.

Catra’s eyes fluttered open, willing the drowsiness away, to lay her gaze on Scorpia: still asleep, from the looks of it, a peaceful expression resting on her face.

Normally, she’d be 10 feet away in a second, glowering at the overly-affectionate Force Captain.

But things were different now.

Yesterday…

_“Or, you know, counterpoint: we don’t go back at all.”_

_Catra turned from the sword she held to look back at Scorpia, confusion obvious on her face._

_“What? Why wouldn’t we go back?”_

_Scorpia’s eyebrows knit themselves together as she offered a patient smile._

_“Uh, because you hate it there?”_

_Catra’s nose scrunched and ears twitched. “I…don’t…”_

_She averted her gaze, unable to deny the truth of Scorpia’s words._

_“Look, hear me out, okay?”_

Ear pressed against her chest, Scorpia’s steady heartbeat provided Catra with a living metronome, keeping perfect time. Despite the mild unease she felt from their embrace, the sound was undeniably soothing. Catra almost found herself tempted to doze once more…

A shift in breath and a small hum. Scorpia stirred and, upon registering the figure she held, smiled softly to herself.

“Wildcat.”

“…Hey.”

_“Let’s stay here! Forget Hordak! Forget Adora!”_

_Catra’s ears flattened against her head. Scorpia almost had her until she had to go and mention _her_…_

_“Forget all of them!” she continued. “We could rule the Crimson Waste _together_. Just the two of us.”_

_Scorpia glanced away, a blush rising to her cheeks alongside a soft smile._

_“We could, you know…be happy.”_

_Catra stared up at her, processing._

_Why would she throw away her chance at success? She had Adora in her grasp, and the key to opening a portal, whatever that actually meant. This was everything she could ever want. Everything she _had _ever wanted._

_…But suddenly she wasn’t so certain._

_Unbeknownst to Catra, Scorpia had somehow found way to burrow herself in her heart, deep enough to actually make her question her motivation for a moment. She felt as though someone tugged at her poor, overworked emotions, urging her to listen._

Stay here. Here you’re strong. You’re a leader. You can do anything you ever dreamed of.

_But it was only a moment._

_What Scorpia was offering truly was something out of a dream. A fairytale. A fantasy. Nothing more. It wasn’t how reality worked. Even if some part of Catra wanted it to be._

_“I…I don’t…I have to go check on the prisoner.”_

“Something wrong?”

“I’m fine. Let me up?”

Scorpia reluctantly did as she asked, releasing her hold on Catra. Catra pushed herself up to a seated position, one knee up, her tail swishing to wrap itself round her ankle.

She felt…different. Not in a good way. Not in a bad way.

Just…_different_.

_It’s because of _her_, _she thought. _It’s always because of _her_._

But that was only what Catra wanted to believe.

The reality was uncharted territory. And, to put it bluntly, that terrified her.

_Catra crossed an arm over her stomach, gripping onto her bicep and digging her claws into the leather that covered her, and turned to leave, to go running back to Adora yet again._

_Only she was stopped short by a firm grip around her wrist._

_“Don’t.”_

_Scorpia’s voice was quiet, yet brimming with…something._

_Something Catra didn’t know how to place. Or maybe she was just unwilling to._

_“What are you doing, Scorpia?”_

_“I don’t want to see you do this to yourself.”_

_Catra growled in annoyance and glared over her shoulder. “Do _what_ exactly?”_

_“You _know_ what.” Scorpia sighed. “Every time you see her you just…_spiral_. I don’t want to see you like that. I can’t figure out why you want to _feel_ like that. Aren’t you tired?”_

_“Oh, suddenly you’re a bleeding heart, too?”_

_“Can you please listen? Just for a minute. That’s all I’m asking, Catra. A minute for your thoughts.”_

_“…You have _exactly_ a minute.”_

Catra bristled at Scorpia’s gentle touch, creeping its way along her scalp, scratching in a way she could only describe as pleasant.

That’s part of what made this all so hard. It felt _good_. And somewhere inside her, Catra didn’t really think she deserved it.

It _scared_ her.

“You sure you’re okay?” Scorpia tried again. “You know you can talk to me about anything.”

“Yeah, you’ve said that. A lot.”

“And I mean it.”

She worked her way up to scratch behind her ears. Reluctantly, Catra felt herself begin to purr at the sensation. She truly couldn’t help it; it had been so long since she’d had this in any capacity.

She hated that she loved it.

_Scorpia stepped in front of Catra, looking into her eyes. Imploring._

_“I want to see you happy like this all the time, Catra. I don’t think you understand that it’s all I want for you. I care about you more than I care about myself. I said it before and I’ll say it again: you’re everything to me.”_

_Catra stared, mouth slightly agape. “I…”_

_“You’re my friend.” Scorpia pulled her into a gentle hug. For once, Catra didn’t struggle. “You’re…the person I care about the most in the whole world. I don’t want to see you tear yourself down. I don’t want to see you _destroy_ yourself.”_

_“I-I’m not…Scorpia, I’m not-”_

_“Yes you _are_.” Scorpia sighed and clung just a little tighter. “You just won’t admit it. I know, okay? I know that I can’t really understand what you’re feeling. I can’t honestly understand what you’re thinking. But that doesn’t mean I can’t care. I want to see you smile.”_

_Catra merely stood, locked in Scorpia’s embrace._

_What…what was she _saying_? _

_She couldn’t really mean it. There was no way. _

_And even if she did…_

“So…Catra…”

“What?”

“We didn’t really talk about what this all means.”

Catra frowned at the floor. “Do we have to?”

“I mean. Eventually. Yeah.”

“You want to get it over with,” Catra said bluntly.

Scorpia shook her head. “No. More like…I was hoping to hear something from you.”

“‘Something’?” Catra raised an eyebrow but didn’t meet Scorpia’s gaze.

She was worried what she would find there. And more worried that she would like it.

_Catra didn’t remember how they even got to this point._

_But the next thing she was aware of was Scorpia’s body against hers, lips over hers, pulling her in closer, deeper. Her hands tangled themselves in her hair, desperate breaths against half-separated lips. Said lips migrated to her cheek, jaw, neck, lower._

_Normally, Catra wanted to be the one calling the shots. But right now, maybe this was what she needed. _

_Scorpia was undemanding; everything she did was as though she was asking. Asking for Catra to let her take care of her. Asking to let her in._

_And all Catra wanted was to say yes._

_Whether or not she had meant to, her soul was responding. Some kind of void she didn’t realize she held in her heart felt as though it was filled, even ever so slightly, by the pure adoration that Scorpia so clearly held for her._

_The thoughts and pain that plagued Catra for so, so _long_ seemed far away, if only for a moment. For the first time in who knew how long, Catra’s mind was filled only with Scorpia._

_And she was alright with that._

She _was_.

At least last night she was.

But that was easy. People always said and did things they didn’t mean during the evening hours. Inhibitions naturally lowered, and everything felt a little more fleeting. A little less real.

Until morning came to give them a reality check.

And Catra was getting a very, _very_ hard to swallow one.

In the dim sunlight of their makeshift bedroom, regrets flowed into Catra’s mind.

She should have stopped Scorpia. She should have gone to see Adora. That would have cleared her mind. Surely, everything would have worked out for the better…

“Wildcat?”

Scorpia’s voice was too gentle. Too kind.

The void that kindness began to fill last night now ached from the very same thing. Catra honestly wondered how someone could make her feel such conflicting emotions all at once.

…Although she supposed her relationship with Adora left her in a similar state most of the time.

“Wildcat.”

Hesitantly, Catra turned her head and looked into her eyes. There was concern, as expected. Definitely a little hurt. And…

_That_.

The thing Catra was afraid to see. Although, looking at her fear head on, was…

Almost…warm?

Everything still felt wrong. It took everything in Catra to not go running straight back to the Fright Zone. She’d spent a lifetime choosing familiarity over happiness, and abandoning that wasn’t something she could so easily come to terms with. Somewhere in the back of her head, she was still waiting for punishment.

Finding happiness wasn’t for her. The day that Adora left taught her that lesson more clearly than years of dealing with Shadow Weaver ever did.

But Scorpia came in and introduced the most dangerous word Catra knew: “could”.

_You _could_ leave. You _could_ stay with me. You_ could_ be happy._

And maybe Scorpia was right. She _could_ be.

“Wildcat…” Scorpia wrapped an arm around her. Catra put aside her inner monologue for just a moment and leaned into her side. “I know you’re going through a lot right now.”

“No kidding…”

“But I’m here for you. To help you.” Scorpia closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “Catra. I…I want to tell you that I lo-”

“I know,” Catra interrupted, squeezing her eyes shut. “I know you do. But I can’t hear that right now. I’ll…”

“It’s okay.” Despite her words, Scorpia sounded hurt. “That was selfish of me.”

“No. _No_, Scorpia. If anyone is being selfish, it’s me. But just…give me time.”

“I can do that.” Scorpia rested her chin atop Catra’s head. “Take all the time you need. I’m here for you no matter what, Wildcat.”

“…Thanks, Scorpia.”

“Do you need a minute before we head out? The rest of the guys are probably waiting.”

“No, I’m good. We should get going.”

“It’s like a whole new life, you know…”

Catra wasn’t sure about that. It wouldn’t be easy to just accept this. To just forget about everything. To forget about _her_.

But Scorpia was right.

She _could_ be happy.

Maybe it wasn’t the way she pictured it. But plans change. People change. Maybe it was for the better.

Life was too short to live without love. She deserved to love someone. Even if it wasn’t the someone she always imagined.

She might not get what she always wanted, but she might get something else.

Maybe Scorpia was the person she deserved.

* * *

So I heard.

About you.

About her.

I honestly thought it was a lie at first.

That you could move on. That you could leave the Horde behind. That you could choose happiness.

I’m happy for you. Truly.

For so long, I hoped you would finally see what staying in the Fright Zone had done to you. And I think you finally have. Thanks to her. I couldn’t be more grateful for what she’s done for you.

I hope you’re doing well. I wonder if you’ve gone back to how you were before. The way I remember you.

The way you would always be smiling. The way you found fun in even the most boring things. The way you would laugh with that little squeak.

…I still think about how cute it is.

I’d be a liar if I said I didn’t think about us. Our past. What we were.

I didn’t have the courage to define it back then. But I think if I don’t let it out somewhere, I’ll never feel like I’ve been completely honest.

I loved you, Catra. So much.

I still do.

I think I always will.

But I couldn’t do for you what Scorpia did. I tried for so long. But she got through to you better than I ever could.

You know, in the end, it may be for the best.

I really do mean it. I’m happy for you.

I hope you are too, wherever you are.

I love you, Catra.

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to come say hi on tumblr @akari-hope or on Twitter @_AkariHope_


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